sitcom wisdom
An old roommate of mine once saw a bank teller and fell in love. He took a business card with him and researched her address. He found a listing for her name in a neighborhood on the other side of town, and told me his plan to drive aimlessly around the area. I asked him what he planned to do if by some outside chance his stalking succeeded and he actually saw her. What if she happened to recognize him from the bank?
He told me that he had everything planned out. If he ran into her he'd simply act surprised to and ask her if she lived around there too. He'd tell her that he lived just around the corner, and it's so strange running into her like this. If by some chance this plan landed an actual date, what was he planning to tell her when it became apparent that he didn't live anywhere near her? He would then explain the situation and he expected that she would be so flattered with the extravagancy that they'd be married immediately.
I don't know how anyone who's grown up in our generation of sitcoms could even think that this plan had any chance of success. I knew that in 27 minutes (minus commercials) the two of us would sit down on a couch as emotional music played to talk about the lesson learned. You don't need to lie to women to impress them.
Despite my warnings my friend (let's call him Cousin Larry) tried it anyway. Lucky for him he never got past stage two. He never saw her. So he came up with a backup plan. He printed a Shakespearean sonnet along with his phone number, sealed it in an envelope and handed it her as he cashed his next paycheck. Even though this might have worked for Balki, I suggested against this one as well.
Not only did 'Larry' not receive a call, but she began to find very important distractions whenever he entered the line at the bank. I guess the lesson that can be learned from this episode is to never try anything for any reason.
He told me that he had everything planned out. If he ran into her he'd simply act surprised to and ask her if she lived around there too. He'd tell her that he lived just around the corner, and it's so strange running into her like this. If by some chance this plan landed an actual date, what was he planning to tell her when it became apparent that he didn't live anywhere near her? He would then explain the situation and he expected that she would be so flattered with the extravagancy that they'd be married immediately.
I don't know how anyone who's grown up in our generation of sitcoms could even think that this plan had any chance of success. I knew that in 27 minutes (minus commercials) the two of us would sit down on a couch as emotional music played to talk about the lesson learned. You don't need to lie to women to impress them.
Despite my warnings my friend (let's call him Cousin Larry) tried it anyway. Lucky for him he never got past stage two. He never saw her. So he came up with a backup plan. He printed a Shakespearean sonnet along with his phone number, sealed it in an envelope and handed it her as he cashed his next paycheck. Even though this might have worked for Balki, I suggested against this one as well.
Not only did 'Larry' not receive a call, but she began to find very important distractions whenever he entered the line at the bank. I guess the lesson that can be learned from this episode is to never try anything for any reason.
posted by excellent excrement at 2:17 PM
3 Comments:
Did you know that Family matters was a spin off of Perfect Strangers? The mom(forget her name) used to work at coozin larry's paper. And Carl made a couple of cameos... although back then he was just earning a paycheck.I don't know where the hell Urkel came from.
Actually, now that you mention it, I do remember a disgruntled Harriet working at the paper. I never realized it was a spin-off. But it makes sense. They both took place in Chicago, didn't they?
Don't remember if it was Chicago or not. But i've got some hot goat lips! and Carl was typecast as the fat good natured cop which led to his role in Die Hard.
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